Despite being 100% fictional, The Yowie is nonetheless 108.63% true, as we all know that “truth” is not absolute, but an artistic concept created by man. The Yowie, in all its fictional made-up-edness is nonetheless the most “truthful” site on the internet. So “true”, in fact, it hurts.

Despite this absolute truthfulness, however, the content on the site is not only unsuited to those under 18 years of age, but The Yowie is 104.76% dedicated to ensuring that the under 18 set don’t read here. Measures we have implemented to stop under 18s viewing include:

• Putting Up This Very Disclaimer
• Writing a list of points we have completed

The Yowie are not only dedicated to keeping under 18s from reading using cutting edge techniques like a disclaimer, we are also pro-youthenasia, aimed at killing youths to ensure their ungrateful, sorry little arses never pollute our lives again with their bitchin’ and moanin’ and “like, whatever”ses and stupid, whiney carry on about how unfair life is. Suck it up, ya brat!

The Yowie also disclaim the following stuff:

• Conditions of Use - Can we really add any? I mean, seriously dude, can we? You are like so already here, and you are so using the site, is anything we put here of any use? I need something here though, to make me feel better. How about “You may not use The Yowie, in electronic or printed form, to wipe your arse”? Unless, of course, there is no toilet paper left, and all you have is the print out of the latest hilarity from The Yowie that you took in to read. Then it is OK. Cause, like, not wiping your arse dude, that is well gross!
• No responsibility is accepted for ruined or otherwise soiled monitors, keyboards or general computer equipment. If you read The Yowie whilst drinking coffee, really, what did you expect?
• We also are not responsible for a lack of laughter. It ain’t our fault if you don’t find this shit funny. Nor is it our fault God saw fit in His wisdom to make you a humourless pratt destined for a life as an accountant. Deal with it in your own time, and leave me alone.
• No guarantees of either grammar, speelign or quality content are offered. Reading is at your own risk, and those with HyperGrammarcriticise-itis should exercise supreme caution.
• Your privacy is important to us, but if you say nasty things, we can not guarantee we won’t bad mouth you. As such, if you don’t want to be ridiculed, don’t tell us anything about yourself. Especially don’t tell us:
  • Your home phone number
  • In fact, any phone number
  • Your real name
  • Your “proper” email address. (Just get one from hotmail, yahoo or gmail).

  Those sort of things are best not handed over at all, no matter how tempting it is to want to post a comment or say something.

• All material on The Yowie is provided in good faith. We had faith when we wrote it, you have faith when you read; it’s all good If you have bad faith, however, or we have bad faith, that is bad, and we didn’t do it, cause we created this in good faith, so there! Faithless rationalists are still permitted to read, they just have to suspend rationality for a wee bit and, like, have some faith, dude.
• Your use of The Yowie is at your sole risk. Oddly enough, your use is also at the risk of your immortal Soul, as there is no guarantee that reading this material won’t get you sent straight to hell. We attempted to have the site blessed, and tried to see if revelations mentioned Yowies of the Apocalypse as a sign, but alas, we could neither confirm nor deny that this site carries any consequences for your immortal soul.
• Copyright is a pretty outdated notion don’t ya think? Still, we are probably covered by copyright, but if you really like something, taking up to, oh, say 95% of an article and linking to our copy of the article is fine by us. 100% if push really comes to shove. But that is our absolute limit. The only thing we are sensitive of is this disclaimer. If you must copy it, at least remove the use of “The Yowie” from your copy of it, ok? Ta!
• At the Yowie, we take your online security very seriously. Not seriously enough to do much about it, ‘course, but seriously nonetheless. Our site isn’t, and shouldn’t be, a security risk, but your browser probably is. Seriously dude, ditch IE and go for something better. Personally, I like Opera, but I am a geek, so that mightn’t be much of an indication of how good it is for you. In any case, Firefox is what everyone raves about, so maybe that is a better bet for you. Whatever, just lose IE and smell the freedom.
• Trademarks - We don’t have any, so if you want to infringe them, let us know and we can register them first. Otherwise, infringing them won’t be much fun, will it?

Lastly, if you have any complaints about The Yowie, absolutely any at all, don’t be shy, but Complain and let us know. It is really the only way we will learn!