If ever there was an album that has all the hallmarks of a wanky, aweful, overwrought, terribly pretentious piece of crap, this be that album.

Sufjan Stevens set himself the task of writing one album for each of the 50 states of the United States of America. In this installment, Sufjan pays homage to Illinois, home of Chicago and, well, research is what Wikipedia is for. Go use it

No one can say with a straight face, not even Sufjan, that that all 50 albums are ever likely to happen. Nor, I would venture, would many people think this was anything but a wanky idea by a pretentious tosser likely to be about as musically valid as most every non-Sargeant Peppers concept album ever released. And it gets worse, as the song titles are amonsgt the longest ever (see song two below), and are often longer than the song they describe.

All of this seems to indicate taht the Gods have aligned all the cards to make this one of the worst releases ever. And yet somehow, God knows how, but somehow, the complete opposite is true, and this is one of my favourite albums of all time.

Sufjan somehow manages to make the external settings play out as an inner dialogue of self questioning in a way that is just so real. Sufjan manages to take places, the river Decatur, and turn it into a stirring, personal song about stepmothers and children; take a serial killing child molesterer like John Wayne Gacy and turn it into a story about the secrets we all hide.

Look, my inner cynic wants to hate this album, with every pretentious hatin’ bone in my body. It wants to not only hate but . But this album is just too good. My God, is it good. It is abso-fucking-lutely awesome, jaw droppingly, hairs standing up good. Highlight after highlight after highlight that just grows with every listen.

This is one album you just have to buy.

Track listings

1. Concerning The UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois
2. The Black Hawk War, Or, How To Demolish An Entire Civilization And Still Feel Good About Yourself In The Morning, Or, We Apologize For The Inconvenience But You’re Gonna Have To Leave Now, Or, ‘I Have Fought The Big Knives And Will Continue To Fight…
3. Come On! Feel The Illinoise!: Part I: The World’s Columbian Exposition/Part II: Carl Sandburg Visits Me In A Dream
4. John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
5. Jacksonville
6. A Short Reprise For Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But For Very Good Reasons
7. Decatur, Or, Round Of Applause For Your Stepmother!
8. One Last ‘Whoo-Hoo!’ For The Pullman
9. Chicago
10. Casimir Pulaski Day
11. To The Workers Of The Rock River Valley Region, I Have An Idea Concerning Your Predicament
12. The Man Of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts
13. Prairie Fire That Wanders About
14. A Conjunction Of Drones Simulating The Way In Which Sufjan Stevens Has An Existential Crisis In The Great Godfrey Maze
15. The Predatory Wasp Of The Palisades Is Out To Get Us!
16. They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From The Dead!! Ahhhh!
17. Let’s Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don’t Think They Heard It All The Way Out In Bushnell
18. In This Temple As In The Hearts Of Man For Whom He Saved The Earth
19. The Seer’s Tower
20. The Tallest Man, The Broadest Shoulders: Part I: The Great Frontier/Part II: Come To Me Only With Playthings Now

This will, no doubt, fall upon deaf ears. Yowie readers, so far as my research reveals, have the musical sensibility of an apeman banging two rocks together. So ponder this, intellectual atavists, as you read this review, with your cro-magnon faces screwed up in concentration, you are exhibiting the exact expressions of a babboon with a Rubics Cube.

Classikon’s new release of Rachmaninov’s Piano Concerto Number Three is a masterpiece.

I bet there’s a lot of new and unfamiliar words in that sentence! How about we start with the word ‘three’? It’s the minimum number of beers you consume before you drive. Understand?

Pianist Tamas Vasary and Conductor Yuri Ahronovitch have combined with the London Symphony Orchestra to produce a fresh and exciting version of the most uplifting and demonically difficult scores ever written. Listeners are treated to dizzying arpeggios exquisitely counterpointing tender pastorals. The music flows from thunderous fortissimos and ebbs to hypnotic, leisurly pianissimos.

Not that you barbarians care.You wouldn’t see musical discrimination if it strapped a marital aid to its head, set its hair on fire, and danced on a blood soaked Swastika. I hesitate to use the term ‘casting pearl before swine’ however no readier colloquialism presents itself.

Don’t bother listening to this CD, you’re too ignorant to appreciate it. The more daring amongst you, however, might profit from using it as a coaster.

It is rare to go to a festival, have so much go wrong, have so much of the deck stacked against it, and genuinely look forward to going back next year. But hey, Falls some how manages that.

The long weekend started with thr best, as Basement Jaxx were unbelieveably good, Michael Franti was his charismatic best and I felt fine. The fact it was about 4 degrees celcius, and everytime the wind blew I almost died, well, I can forgive that the music was soo good.

The second day, after 4 cold, cold hours of hard dirt sleep, feeling surprisingly good, I was made paranoid about the qualityb of toilet facilities, and woke up as earlyu as possible in order to use the facilities before everyone else had a chance to destroy them. This was a pattern that was to repeat itself for the next two mornings, with me getting up extremely early to take advantage of “clean” toilets.

After takling care of business, we made our way the 1200 metres from our camp ground to teh main staging area, where, after a chilling night, I bought a rediculous beanie, as one does at festivals.

The second day was highlighted by Akhmal (who was good), a perfect set from Franti and an unexpected compliment (apparently, I am still “attractive”, thank you thank you).

It was lowlighted by a Sleepy Jackson set in which the sound was all wrong (Luke Steele was mouse quiet), The Audreys, who really should have been on the more intimate, smaller stage, and Eskimo Joe, who I think I am just sick of.

Unfortuantely, there was a massive delay before the Hilltop Hoods came out to play, so I missed them in favour of sleep.

Day three was memorable, for mine, only for The Mountain Goats, who played to a rather large (for the second stage) and appreciative audience and Wolfmother, who never disapoint. Everything else was, well, forgetable.

What I Learnt

Falls isn’t really a music festival like, say, a Big Day Out. Rather, it is more like a big camping festival with live bands (and how good an idea is that?) The idea really is to muck around, play cards, take it easy and see a few bands during teh day, before getting stuck in at night.

Those that go too hard to early, really do miss out. So next year, I am goiojg to take a football and some cards to play.