That’s the quesstion being asked by the Bulgarian weightlifting team after an undercover investigation revealed the most prolific substance abuse takes place in the lab’s and not on the field.
After years of controversy, involving allegations of drug use, officials involved with the Bulgarian wieghtlifting team instigated a thorough and detailed investigation of those charged with investigating the problem of drugs in sport. The results were astonishing! Not only recreational drugs but also performance enhancing drugs (like Ridlin) are being consumed on a regular basis by scientists and investigators alike.
The chief of the World Doping Agency declined to comment on the findings, but admitted it (the findings) would damaged his agency’s credibility.
Such findings come as no surprise to the Yowie. For three months now this bastion of free speech and truth has pointed out to its readership the inherent hypocrisy in every corporation. More as developments come to hand.

After what has become known as the Ballroom Blitz on the Gold Coast, Finks motorcycle members have barricaded themselves in their clubhouse in Labrador. Razorwire surrounds the perimeter, heavy iron bars cover the windows, the gates are reinforced steel and triple locked.
Two Finks members are charged with attempted murder and causing a melee in a public place as well as facing a string of arms offences. Police, however, have been unable to apprehend the fugitives because of the fortress like clubhouse. When asked about the lack of progress Detective Seargant Jones replied he considered, “the job done. Just look at where they are – they may as well be in prison!” when the Yowie expressed its reservations, stating the fugitives could leave whenever they wanted the Detective Seargant replied, “Two things, first, they don’t know when we’re here and when we’re not. If they choose to come out at the wrong time we’ll nab them. Second, from what I see it’s not all that hard to get out of Queensland prisons anyhow.”

Senior politicians from Indonesia and Australia today called for an end to the cartoon wars being waged by newspapers in their respective countries. President Yuduyono and Prime Minister Howard agreed further public ridiculing would not help the already strained relations between Jakarta and Canberra.
The Yowie completely agrees with these sentiments. Let’s get back to the more traditional form of hostilities that have marked the relationship between these two countries. Let’s get back to military warfare in third party countries, back to genocide in breakaway provincies, back to suicide bombings. The grief, horror and irreperable damage done by a few cartoons immensley outweighs that of war and jihad. So let’s get back to the slaughter of innocents and leave the poor politicians alone.

With the news today that Trevor Hohns has resigned as Chairman of selectors for the Australian Cricket Team, The Yowie have officially launched our “Vote 1: Doug” Campaign. The campaign is designed to put Doug Walters on the Australian Cricket Selection Committee.

Announcing the launch of the campaign, The Yowie’s fictional PR agent Dr Spin said “Australia has, for a long time, lead the world in Piss Drinking culture, with the Australian Cricket team the absolute epitomy. With two of our greatest piss drinking sporting larrikins already on the board, Booney and Merv, the selection of Doug to create a holy piss-drinking trinity seems the only reasonable response.”

Initially, rumours had circulated that the other tinny drinking record holder, Marshey, would be the more logical and, some would say, saner choice for the vacated position, Dr Spin said “it was a close run thing. After all, Marshey has that other essential for an Aussie cricket, the Mo, but in the end, Marshy’s recent fraternisation with the English visa a vie his running their academy got him disqualified.

“Sure, some people thought it was ‘admirable’”, Dr Spin continued, “but The Yowie is nothing if not a grudge holding, vindictive publication. That is why, at the end of the day and moving forward, we have decided to throw our inconsiderable support 100% behind the only Aussie cricketing legend with the liver for the job: Dougie Walters.”

The campaign, to be launched Thursday, April 6th, 2006, will feature its own website where respondants can register their support.

So we Urge each and everyone of you to get behind this campaign, not only for the good of Australian cricket and Australia as a whole, but for the whole entire world crying out for a hero in a time of need.